Self-care wasn’t always a priority for me. In fact, it took years of struggle and a deep desire to connect with myself before I truly understood its importance. It started with a simple realization: we all have different needs, and how we choose to meet those needs can profoundly impact our well-being.
I first encountered this concept in a Psychology of Addiction class where we discussed Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. It hit me hard—people try to meet their needs in the best way they know, but in highly stressful or toxic situations, this can lead to unhelpful or even addictive behaviors. I began to see how I had been meeting my own needs in ways that didn’t serve me, often choosing the easiest or most accessible options, which didn’t align with my true desires.
The deeper I dug, the more questions I asked myself: Why have I struggled so much to truly care for myself? The answers weren’t easy to face. I uncovered some painful truths about my people-pleasing tendencies and how I had been seeking validation from others instead of honoring my own needs. The more I explored, the more I realized I wasn’t living in alignment with who I really was or what I truly wanted.
So, I created The Self-Care Toolkit as a tool to help me incorporate self-care into my daily routine. I needed something practical—something I could break down into steps and build into my everyday life. It was one thing to write it, but actually doing the work was harder than I ever imagined.
I made a commitment to hold myself accountable by sharing my progress on social media. As I did this, my long-term relationship began to unravel. I realized that while I had been unhappy and unfulfilled for years, I had been gaslighting myself into believing I was with a loving partner. I had excused his hurtful behavior because I convinced myself he was trying to change. This painful realization led me to finally question whether I should end the relationship and choose to honor my own needs above all else. Looking back now, it seems like an easy decision—but it wasn’t.
This was a wake-up call that shifted everything. I had spent my life trying to fit into a mold that wasn’t mine, striving to meet societal expectations, and shaming myself when I didn’t achieve them. I was stuck in a cycle of self-blame and had completely lost touch with the things that truly brought me joy. In fact, when I sat down to explore what those things were, I was stumped. Nearly every item on my list was dependent on someone else.
I was exhausted from living a life that didn’t reflect who I was. But as I committed to my self-care practices, the changes were undeniable. I began to find my joy again. I started setting and honoring boundaries, especially with my partner, and through that process, I saw that this toxic, emotionally abusive relationship mirrored patterns from every relationship I had been in before. I finally decided that it was time to choose myself—my well-being, my happiness—and end a relationship that was draining my energy and causing me so much pain.
This awareness was empowering. It gave me the strength to remove the people and behaviors that weren’t in alignment with the life I was building. The deeper I went into this work, the more transformation I experienced. I released the shame of past decisions, stopped holding myself responsible for the actions of others, and no longer made excuses for their behavior. Instead of clinging to promises for change, I focused on patterns of behavior. I embraced my choices, even the painful ones, and felt lighter without the weight of regret.
This transformation wasn’t just about relationships—it was about how I showed up for myself. I learned to value myself, honor my needs, and stop apologizing for who I am. I let go of relationships that no longer served me, and as I became clearer on my truth, I became more certain of the message I wanted to share with others. I was no longer ashamed of who I had been—I was excited about who I was becoming.
Healing from relationship trauma takes as long as it takes, and there’s no shame in giving yourself the time and space you need. Through this process, I learned to trust my own discernment, honoring what felt aligned with my highest self. As I began to show up more authentically, I realized the impact I have on the lives of others—and I was better able to see it from a perspective no longer clouded by shame.
Throughout this journey, I’ve come to understand the importance of community. I felt so alone in my struggles, but I’ve been blessed to find friends who supported me through it all. As I created this workbook, I envisioned a space where others could come together—a supportive community where we can share insights, inspire growth, and empower each other through our healing processes.
Self-care is not a luxury—it’s essential to living a balanced, fulfilling life. It’s about learning to listen to your body, respond to your needs, set boundaries, and create a life that truly reflects who you are. Whether you're just starting or already deep into your transformation, I want to support you every step of the way.
✨ If this message resonated with you, drop a comment below. Have you ever felt this way? Let’s start a conversation!
📖 Ready to start your own self-care journey? Grab a copy of The Self-Care Toolkit today and begin creating the habits and routines that will support your transformation.
🌀 And if you’re looking for more guidance, I’m currently working on an accompanying course to help you through this process step by step. Stay tuned—big things are coming, and I’d love for you to be a part of it!
I see you. I honor your journey. And I can’t wait to support you as you step into your own transformation. 💜
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